When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize