i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
