I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
