my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
we're making bets on your personal life
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
