And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
