That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
