Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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