Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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