if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
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