I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
