dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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