Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
