you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
