true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Two words: blizzard sex
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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