im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
