You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize