the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
