mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
