Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
