the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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