I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
We're too hungover to prance.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
