I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
