a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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