Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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