I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
My life is pants optional.
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