i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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