tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
