break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize