Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You dont lie about slip and slides
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
