Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
