I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
