i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
