I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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