Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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