Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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