my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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