My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize