Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
