i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
