I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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