that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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