Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
high people should be assigned attendants
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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