Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
