I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You left your underwear on the fireplace
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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