Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
