I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
