she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
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