Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
