Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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