Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
