sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
