put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
