Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
