whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Randomize
