get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
