hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
