You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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