i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
