haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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