She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
