i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
