I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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