This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
