Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
