Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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