Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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