Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
