I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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