I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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