I am puke
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
