Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
