At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
