who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
