I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
