Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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