if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
