I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
