He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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