you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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