At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
