wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
