yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
