Are we in a gay sports bar?
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
